discombobulation

Its so weird when one day ur like two peas in a pod with someone and you're walking different ways the next. Its pretty tragic actually especially if you are close to that particular person. Its almost as if a part of you has been cut. But thanks to God you tend to grow that part back. However no two are identical and so u can't help but miss what you've lost. Maybe I am behaving over the top coz it isn't always that bad. At times you just get a little distant. Things come b/w you due to which the bond suffers a little. Its ol very confusing. Dunno how to see it , have no clue what really is happening and so can't have a conspicuous opinion either. Perhaps one reason is that I suck at drawing the line when it comes to relationships of any kinds. I don't know the limits to being a friend and its always challenging for me to figure out if I am entering a different territory. As a result I never get when I end up being so attached to the person that differences in their operating behaviour affect me so profoundly. It is love alright but not of the form they are expecting or wanting. And this drifts us apart. They look for what they want in somebody else and I am left with a loss of a loved one. I still don't know where it all begins and ends but for sure it never does i a way I want it to.

.....

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, "A battle is raging inside me ... it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. "This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee replied: "The one you feed."

O.V.E.R.L.O.A.D!!

Its seriously weird that when u have a million things going thru ur mind is exactly when u don't find a single thing to say....
Take me for example. I have so many thots runnin thru my mind but i don't have a clue what i shd talk abt. In my case however this is a day to day phenomenon. I am still on a break with my life on a sort of standby however by this point (and thank god 4 dt!!) it has started to feel more like a hiatus than an abyss. am trying my best to get back on track , to make all the pain from my pat help me towards a better future but I can't omit the fact that i sure as hell am anxious. I don't really know whats gonna happen , sometimes I feel like maybe if I could know the future , it wld b awesome but on a further thot mayb that wldnt be so gr88. mayb its nicer to live life like a surprise , to get to unwrap a new present everyday and although it maynot always be what you want or expect it all happens 4 d best and tht is one thing i knw 4 sure...
wld like to end this post with my newest mantra (thanks to tiffany frm www.hugelove.blogspot.com)
I AM TOO BLESSED TO BE DEPRESSED.
and as long as i blve dt m sure it'll stay dt way........

but what will they think bout it???????

Aah!!
people thinking abt other people...... God I just don't get it. If it is my life and I'm the one who has to live it why should I have to think abt the world?
I mean when I am in the deepest of shits, nobody wants to help me , noone even cares so why in the name of lord should I think bout all these people i've no connection to?
I shouldn't right but its really frustrating when someone close to you , someone you would want for to understand you , respect your wishes and support your decisions comes up to you with a ," maybe you shouldn't do it coz what will the world say!!"
Boy oh boy its my life , not theirs'. Why should I care what they think bout my decisions and my choices when they can't be bothered enough to know me.
this post isn't abt me however but nevertheless I just wanna pray to god to help that person and give them all the strength in the world to be able to go ahead and do whatever they want coz they deserve it...... n yeah don't make em give a second thot to what people say............

wait n' hope........

I talked to my bff today n it was pretty awesome. It has been sometime since we've had a good chat coz hes been very busy with his work lately. And the entire communication gap sowed some doubtful seeds in my mind. But it is my utmost pleasure to say that they were unfounded. As long as you believe in urself and the ppl u love nothing can come in ur way. Sometimes you need to wait when u might not like it and it is exactly at these times that ur truly tested. It is absolutely essential that u donot lose hope and have faith in all that is close to ur heart. Let time test you coz if ur confident enuf ull pass with flying colors.
Am so thankful that i decided to stick and not give up. That i opted to wait and work on it instead of bailing out. And indeed it is paying off. What the entire experience has taught me is that if you are really keen on somethin , if u believe it is worth it and tht u can do it , it can never ever go wrong.
The worst thing to do would be to give up when the entire time ur getting the feeling tht it can be worked on. I've learnt tht the hard way. There are things i now wished i'ld have pursued and not let go but if it wldnt be for them i wldnt have accepted this all important fact.
I wanna promise myself tht m not gonna leave things and walk off coz they get a little uncomfortable. I shall see them to the end so tht if noin else i atleast have the satsfaction of not giving up!!!

p.s. sorry for the long absence......

spring.............

I've been watchin a few movies for the past few days. Just finished watching 500 days of summer. Net was really slow and it was taking like ages to buffer so I was almost about to give up on it but then I decided against it. And man am I glad!!!!!!!!!
It definitely isn't just another love story. Its AMAZING and the end actually made me catch my breath for a sec. Its assuring but not in that romantic dreamy way which most rom coms tend to do. It is so close to reality. Its like it makes to believe that there is a higher power and that everything happens for a reason. Suffering is all but means to a joyful end. OFcourse the journey takes longer than you might want it to or expect it to but in the end its like everything is paid up. You get so much more than what you initially thot of. I don't have any personal experience of being in this happy town as yet but judging by the journey I am going thru , the pain there is I sure hope that I reach there soon and what I hope more is that some day soon I'll write about my very own gladtown and how it is indeed worth all the suffering....

P.S. Do watch 500 days of summer!!

Leave me alone!!!!

No I ain;t askin anyone to go away but rather the thots which have invaded my mind and now seem to refuse to leave me alone. I've lost all calm , especially when everyone goes off to bed i get attacked by an army of questions which i've no clue how to answer and so I can't sleep...
The worst part hoever is that i don't know a way outta this. Alright so lemme elaborate a bit. There is something I want really bad , somethin which belongs to me but which i've left behind. Now its entirely upto someone else to return it or vanish away. I'm trying to get that person to understand my situation , how much the stuff means to me but m not sure if tht's any good. At times I feel a slight ray of hope , like maybe there is a chance i'll be able to lay my hands on it again but then I don't get any response from the other side n all my hopes n crushed to ashes. M walking on a thin rope here. When my optimism is on my side i feel like i'll be able to get to the other end but then i feel the rope tearing and my heart skips a beat. I try not to look down and get nervous but in vain. Can't help it. I've lost my peace. Dunno what will happen. If i'll be able to pull thru or if i'll fall off. Either way m at the worst stage right now where i've nothing but oblivion. M praying to god to help me coz i really need it and m hopin against hope tht a lil magic will happen and everythin will fall into its place. Till then I shall sit( n not sleep!) and wait for sm good news........